A sometimes bitter and twisted view of life

Sunday, March 02, 2008

Multiculture = Food

Just a short blog here! I have had the pleasure to be married to my wife for 9 years - OK, so I could have got less for manslaughter but it's been good. My wife is also Filipino, which means I get to experience a whole new culture. I think I am officially multicultural. I also think I am qualified to comment on what I have learned from this new culture I have entered into. Well, aside from all sorts of odd sauces and condements in my kitchen and all the 'new' smells said concoctions have created, I can honestly say I have learnt ONE major thing about Pinoys - FOOD.

Good grief! They love food. My in-laws can spend hours grazing like cattle on journeys. Before we depart on a journey breakfast is eaten. During the journey constant grazing takes place. Upon arrival to said destination an eatery is sought out. Almost any eatery will do, but preferably an eat-all-you-can buffet! My wife has spent an hour in conversation with her sister talking about the latest eat-all-you-can find that the family found over the pond in L.A. She is jealous. Not because of the sun, sea, sand, cheap petrol or even George Bush being president (hey, we all like a good laugh) none of that. She is jealous of the food, the abundance of it and the abundance of eat-all-you-can. I have never seen a bunch of people get so excited about buffet! My father-in-law was bitterly disappointed because he couldn't eat all he could in a buffet house as he had eaten too much bread!

So in short, I believe that the Pinoy race is plotting to take over the world. Not by invasion, or any of the usual methods. No, they are planning to eat us out of house, home and world. My in-laws are not the only ones, all Pinoys I have met are like this. Buffet owners close down your businesses NOW I implore you, lest you all become bankrupt and we all starve and are forced to dine on Sisig, Balut and Champorado!

Oh yeah, you know what else is annoying? the fact that none of my in-laws are overweight! That title belongs to yours truly, who admits defeat in the eat-all-you-can stakes.

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Bad Bad video games made me evil.... EVIL I SAY

My second blog! What on earth has made me want to write a blog in such a long time? Well the church of England has decided that a now 6 month old game is evil. Video games have always been a passion of mine - from the early days of pong through to Grand Theft Auto. I've played them all (or a large proportion of them anyway) and I have yet to kill someone, Jack a car, fly a plane or jump down pipes with a moustache and a dodgy Italian accent.

It seems the latest 'hot potato' is Resistance: fall of man is a bad game because it "sees a virtual shoot-out between rival gunman with hundreds killed during a gun battle inside the cathedral in an orgy of blood." - a direct quote from one of the news shows. The bishop of Manchester is demanding it is pulled from shelves, and the church is talking of suing Sony! The game is actually about an alien invasion, and said shootout is between mankind and an invading alien race. It's mans last stand. I don't know if the good ol' bishop has played the game, but judging by his comments and lack of knowledge I doubt it. And now because the level is set in my beloved city of Manchester it's even more evil as Manchester is a city "Plagued by gun crime". Oh my. We are a city, and with it comes gun crime, but I'd guess New York has more of a Plague of gun crime, so much so the news does not even cover shootings all the time.

Get a grip! All that is going to happen is sales of the game will now go through the roof - Why wasn't this a problem 6 months ago when the game was released. Ahh well. I'm starting to rant now. I'm off to shoot some scallies in the local church, steal a car, kill some zombies in the Arndale and then blow up the Trafford Centre. All this while jumping over barrels trying to rescue my wife from a big money and race a go cart around Moston towing a line of banannas behind me.......

Games affecting my real life? Nahh

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Morbid ways

My wife and I have developed a disturbing habit. On a nightly basis we watch Forensic detectives / CSI / FBI Files and such shows. Why is that disturbing I hear you say? Well apart from it being incredibly morbid we have now started discussing the best way to murder each other. I know that I cannot commit the crime at home for fear of the dreaded luminol, nor can I use my car to dump the body (carpet fibers etc....). Poisoning is now getting harder. Stabbing is just to common here in Manchester. So is shooting. Besides, I'll get caught (most victims know their murderer) and I'll be the first suspect.

My wife favours hitting me over the head with a frozen leg of lamb and then cooking & eating the evidence. I favour a block of ice & letting it melt - I got that one off Columbo. I don't plan on acting out this morbid discussion, but if you hear of a chubby manc killed with traces of mint sauce found in the wound at least the police will have a lead reading this.

I guess that we will just have to continue as we are, living out this morbid facination that we all seem to have these days with murder and death, happily married (believe it we are).

Hmmmmmmm..... Now how about going for a walk in the Lake District love. don't walk too close to the edge of that hill, it's a long way down...........